"imadeaburner" (imadeaburner) 12/16/2013 at 16:37 • Filed to: None

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For all you peasants that have not heard the latest press release and are not on board with the new spelling methods, here you go.

"The European Commission has just announced an agreement whereby English will be the official language of the EU rather than German which was the other possibility.
As part of the negotiations, Her Majesty's Government conceded that English spelling had some room for improvement and has accepted a five year phase-in plan that would be known as "Euro-English".
In the first year, "s" will replace the soft "c". Sertainly, this will make the sivil servants jump with joy. The hard "c" will be dropped in favour of the "k". This should klear up konfusion and keyboards kan have 1 less letter.
There will be growing publik enthusiasm in the sekond year, when the troublesome "ph" will be replaced with "f". This will make words like "fotograf" 20% shorter. In the 3rd year, publik akseptanse of the new spelling kan be ekspekted to reach the stage where more komplikated changes are possible. Governments will enkorage the removal of double letters, which have always ben a deterent to akurate speling. Also, al wil agre that the horible mes of the silent "e"s in the language is disgraseful, and they should go away. By the fourth year, peopl wil be reseptiv to steps such as replasing "th" with "z" and "w" with "v". During ze fifz year, ze unesesary "o" kan be dropd from vords kontaining "ou" and similar changes vud of kors be aplid to ozer kombinations of leters. After zis fifz yer, ve vil hav a reli sensibl riten styl. Zer vil be no mor trubl or difikultis and evrivun vil find it ezi to understand ech ozer. Ze drem vil finali kum tru! And zen world! Pls"

JR1 > imadeaburner 12/16/2013 at 16:45

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This is a joke right? Glad EU can't make decisions for the US!

RamblinRover Luxury-Yacht > JR1 12/16/2013 at 16:48

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It's an "as-circulated-by-middle-aged-people's-email" joke that's probably over a decade old. Still kind of funny, because Germany.

JR1 > RamblinRover Luxury-Yacht 12/16/2013 at 16:50

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I did agree with ph to f I've always thought that was stupid!

NaturallyAspirated > imadeaburner 12/16/2013 at 17:03

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Give it centuries rather than years, and I wouldn't be too surprised. Check out any really old English book. You've got I instead of J, V instead of U, F instead of S, and extra Es galore. Readable, but only just, and you have to consider how the meanings of words have changed over the years, too.

Here's a scan I found of a page from a 1611 edition King James Bible, for demonstrative purposes: http://www.kingjamesbibleonline.org/The-Epistle-of…